I haven't written a journal for real in months, so I have lots of things kept inside. That's why people say writing really can help express oneself. It's only you and the words, and you don't have to care how you draw your picture to be symbolic and stuffs.


It has been one full month of nothing but Spore, and it's really quite an experience! Totally different experience, especially the awesome in-game Editors. I also participated in the forums and community, which I've seriously never did before (I usually lurked more). It's fun, but at the same time, I read more of what I usually find on the 'net.

Negative opinions, some constructive ones, head-to-head conflicting opinions, serious business, ramble ramble rumble.

Spore is admittedly a game that still needs polish, but I'm frankly enjoying it. Maybe it's the MMORPG-er's thing. It's a toy that I can play around more than I ever did with the Simcities or the older Sim-whatevers. But everywhere you go, you'll find people expressing their opinions, sometimes for the betterment of the games, in faint hope that the developers will listen.

I used to dislike opinions, because it makes things so complicated. Hivemind makes it all so simple, but losing individuality ain't a good thing. In the end, I found out the best way to ward off this dislike to form a opinion myself. That way, you won't listen to many conflicting opinions and stand on the million-sided wall. Still it's a balancing game; keep the good suggestions in, keep the useless filth out. It's a tough game.

Spore forum's complaining, Fallout 3 forum's complaining, I read nothing but complaints, complaints and complaints. The intertube communities are boring me off with all these negativity. Maybe I should have to stayed off the 'net years ago and just do my artistic joys, like drawing and writing. But the intertubes, it's really powerful. Opinions travel as the speed of swift discontent.


So on another note, there's this message that I read from Chapter 8 of Bakuman that I kept ignoring, but I shouldn't. In my mind, it's always there.

What I read it as: manga business is a gamble. Or in extension, art career is a gamble. Or in further extension, life is a gamble.

By my logic, I really don't see the difference between ignoring it all and do your best in what you prefer, and just plainly ignoring things and do things what people would call haphazardly. Both work the same way, and ends up pretty much the same. But why does everyone give me the impression that there's a difference there?

I just want to connect with people while doing my art and my writing. In pure concept. That's it, I'm not asking for a lot. After the hurdle with the creator's guilt, where one feels guilty for not producing artwork, this one surfaces. Joyful philosophical times.

All these wasteful times where I should be drawing, and oh, the good ol' creator's guilt is back again.


It really seems to me, in my limited delusion, that my favourite art people do the "do your best in what you prefer". Kaneko and Soejima, Rune Bennicke, HTK, Ryuu Fujisaki, John Kricfalusi and co., Stephen Silver. What I don't know, it might actually encourage me. Truth is always ugly on one end, but it's subjective. Why bother digging in unnecessarily.


After all, self-encouragement is a delusion as any other things are, except that it's positive.


Starting from now, I'm just gonna self-delude more myself with positivity, and do whatever I want. For real. Surely life will be much better that way!



Here's a cookie for you reading all the way to the end! (or skipping all the way here). Useless trivia: to heck with re-reading the whole post and doing the editor's job, this one's going out raw and real.


Bernoully out and positively positive.